Fix You
by LoVefan 32
Summary: Set in season 3 on the day Logan broke up with Veronica. See more of my note inside the story. Not enough words to allowed to describe here. Thanks for reading!
1. Chapter 1

Fix You

**Authors Note**: Hello, All. This is my very first fanfic and I am really nervous. I am very open to suggestion so if anyone has any, please let me know. Anyway- I am a huge veronica/Logan fan but I can't get over how unfair she treated him in season 3 and how heartbroken he was. He put his heart on the line and she just kept throwing it back in his face. So I wanted to write a story where there is someone in Logan's life that actually appreciates him for who he is. OKAY-I know everyone can't imagine Logan with anyone but Veronica but humor me. Let me emphasize that this is a re-write of season 3. My version of what should have happened. I didn't feel Parker was a good match for Logan and not really a strong character in general. I do intend write a couple of one-shots maybe of how things could have turned out between VL but that will come later. I think he needs someone who appreciates him. That said the story starts out in the episode where Logan breaks up with Veronica in S3 and they are on the beach only he doesn't hook up with the sleazy girl he did in the episode.

Chapter 1: The Reunion:

So there they were Dick, Logan and Chip sitting on beach having a couple of beers. This should be fun right? I mean he knew that Dick was only trying to help but all he could think of was Veronica. What was it that he said to her this morning? "I think we can take a tough but survivable amount of pain or stay together and deal with an unbearable amount of pain later. So I vote for the pain now." What the hell was he thinking. This pain was probably just as unbearable as whatever he would've felt later but at least he would have had more time with her. Time to make her see how much he loved her time to…"Hey you got any extra beer" Logan's thoughts were interrupted as he turned to see three girls headed their way. Two were dressed in wet suits like they had surfed and the other was in a very revealing Victoria's secret swim suite with rhinestones on the top half. Logan looked up to see her face as they approached. She was really pretty in a shy way. She didn't flaunt it but she looked very confident. She had long red hair and deep sad-looking blue-eyes. Those eyes-he couldn't shake the feeling that he had seen them before. The girls came over and sat down next the boys. Dick gave Logan a look that could only have been interpreted as an I am going to get lucky tonight, look. "Sure thing ladies, Dick said as he handed them some beers. The redheaded girl sat down next to Logan and looked straight into him, "Logan Echolls, never in a million years would I have thought I would ever see you again, and here you are!" Logan looked confused, "Do I know you?" "Well you did, I was a bit chubbier then and you used to call me carrot top" Logan looked at her again…think think…Oh shit! "Erica" He said with a big smile! "The one and only" She said as reached over to give him a hug. By now the other four in the crowd were very confused. Dick raised his eyebrow "You two know each other?" "Yeah we used be neighbors" Logan said. "Until I moved away when we were ten." "What a small world!" Erica said. "Well I'd love to stick around for the Brady Bunch family re-union but I think me and the Mrs. here are going to get some action!" Dick pointed to the girl beside him who had downed two beers in the meantime. Both couples got up and started for Dick's car leaving Erica and Logan on the beach.

Logan took a minute to look her over. God she had changed. She was taller skinnier and her hair seemed redder than he remembered if that was possible. "So what have you been up too? Well I shouldn't ask too many questions cuz its not like I don't know." Logan looked at her questioningly. "Well I only know what the tabloids have said. I mean your girlfriend getting murdered, your mom, then you getting accused of killing some guy! That must have been rough." She looked at him and he just looked away. Lost in thought for a moment he saw his life flash before his eyes. In every moment she was there. Veronica. "Logan" He looked back at her. "I am really sorry I mean I can tell it still bothers you. You don't have to talk about if you don't want to." Logan looked at her and gave his signature half-smile. "It has been a charmed life" he said. "What have you been doing all these years?" That started a long conversation about how after she moved away from the 09er zip and her father lost his money she was home schooled until highschool and then attended Pan High. He was surprised to learn that she was so close and they hadn't remained friends but then again he knew that would not have been "cool" and that was all he cared about then. She went on to tell him how she was going to Hearst to major in music and that her father had finally quit gambling and recovered his money by starting his own investment firm. _That explains the rhinestones,_ Logan thought. "OMG its past two O clock. I think I better go find my friends and get outta here. I have class in the morning!" They both stood up and started packing the coolers up. "Logan in spite of what the media said I never believed you did it." Logan stopped what he was doing and looked up at her. "Well that makes three of us!" "Three of us" Erica said a little confused. 'Yeah you me and my ex-girlfriend Veronica." "Oh you have a girlfriend" she said a little disappointed but trying not to show it. "Did, I broke it off this morning" He said. "I don't know if I did the right thing but I just don't think she loved me the way I loved her. The story of my life" His brown eyes looked so sad and distant she couldn't help but love him even more in that moment. _Love wait stop Erica what are you thinking…he just told he broke up with his girlfriend…and you haven't seen him since you were 10…snap out of it. _As they walked towards the car she grabbed his arm as he swung around to meet her eyes. "I am really sorry Logan, if anyone deserves to be loved, it's you. " she said. Logan looked deep into her blue eyes that were inches from his and he couldn't help but think of all the memories they made when they were kids. She was pretty much his closest friend back then, until girls started to have cooties that is. Right before she moved her mother died and she had taken it pretty hard. At ten years old what could he say or do to make it better. He smiled a little as he remembered the necklace her mother bought for Logan to give Erica as a parting gift. At first Logan thought it was stupid that he had to give her anything at all but when he saw the smile on her face after he gave it to her, it made it worth it. He would never admit that of course. "Thanks, Erica, for being a good friend." Logan said as they continued to look in each other's eyes Erica broke away first. "I guess I better go find the others" "Logan smiled, "Well if I know Dick and Chip I think your friends will be tied up all night, literally, so why don't I give you a ride back to the dorm." "Okay sounds great." Erica said as she loaded the cooler in the trunk of Logan's yellow Xterra and got into the passenger seat with him. They drove off the beach and took the highway back to the dorms at Hearst. It was a gorgeous night as the wind-swept through her hair. Logan looked over at Erica and made a mental note to thank Dick for bringing him to the beach that night. While he no longer had a girlfriend, he found a friend and maybe that's all he needed right now. No more drama and lies. Just someone to talk to. He pulled up to the dorms and Erica opened the door to the Xterra and got out of the car. "Thanks for the ride. I guess I'll see you around campus then?" "Yeah, Ill see you around. And thanks again for being a good friend. I am glad I ran into you today. If I didn't I probably would've ended up in a drunk stupor in some girls bed that I couldn't even remember her name!" Logan smiled and Erica laughed. "Well I am sorry I ruined your chances of getting laid!" "Ahh don't worry about it. There will be plenty more." "If I were you I wouldn't let you ex hear you say that" Logan looked at her a bit confused. "Because if she still has feelings for you, and she'd be stupid not to then she might get very jealous." Logan cracked a smile, Veronica jealous…if she ever was she would never admit it! "Thanks again for the ride." Erica said as she turned toward the building that she called home for the last 6 months she couldn't help but smile. Tonight had been perfect. She never expected to run into Logan but she had and maybe, just maybe that was a sign.


	2. Chapter 2: Memories flood back

Fix You

**Authors Note: All, I received a comment from someone telling me that they had trouble accepting the premise. I get it. I watched the scene where they got back together tonight for my recap and I can feel the heat just watching. That is why I was so shocked at this season and how she continued to push him away. I am just trying to give Logan some peace. I think if Veronica hadn't doubted him so many things would have been different. Anyway, the fact is Logan was with other people Carrie and Parker so this not inconceivable? But if no one reads it that is okay because I know that devoted fans can't see him with anyone else. This is just something that I envisioned and had to get out…to do Logan some justice. **

Chapter 2: Memories Flood back

This morning she was feeling particularly perky as she got of her car and walked towards the Hearst cafeteria. While she hadn't gotten much sleep the last couple of days she had done a lot of writing and she was going to meet Carrie Bishop and Melanie Price, two girls that were in her music class. They all discussed the possibility of starting a band with Erica's writing talent and voice as well as Carrie's voice and piano and Melanie's guitar it seemed almost natural. They all had dreams of becoming famous someday. It had been several weeks since that fateful day she met up with Logan again but since then she hadn't been able to sleep well. The memories just flowed so freely. "_Erica wait please stop running" the little boy was out of breath trying to chase the red-headed girl running in front of him. "Logan leave me alone, please I just want to be alone" she said as she finally stopped in front of the back yard playhouse they had played in so many times. " She turned around to see him stop right in front of her and her eyes were shining with tears. "No one wants to be alone" he said to her as he put his arm around her and they sat down on the muddy ground. The brave ten year old tried to hold her tears back as she looked at him. "I can't believe she's gone. She would've hated the fact that I soiled my dress" she said with a bitter laugh. "It's going to okay Erica. You are going to get through this. Did your Dad ever tell you what happen? "No, I keep asking him but he won't say. He looks so lost. Every time they mention it on TV he turns it off. The only thing I can get is that they think she killed herself, but I can't believe that. My mom loved us so why would she leave?" Erica said as she reached for the tissue she had in her hand. "Well people leave for lots of reasons; maybe it had nothing to do with you." Logan said. Erica looked directly at him now knowing that she was going to have to tell him the bad news eventually. She was only ten and didn't understand how in a matter of days she was losing her mom and her best friend all at once, the more she thought about it the more she couldn't take it! "Logan, I know you're a boy and boys are supposed to have cooties but I want you to know that you are the best friend I ever had." "Logan looked at her and smiled. "Well you're not so bad yourself…for a girl." She smiled back at him and immediately felt some of the burden she carried the last couple of days lighten. She quickly pushed Logan to the ground and yelled "Tag your it!" while leaping to her feet. _"Erica, hey are you okay?" Hearing her name woke her from her day-dream. She looked over at Logan standing in line at the cafeteria. "Hey stranger haven't seen much of you around here" she winked. "Yeah, I guess I have avoided the world…here I was trying to avoid my ex-girlfriend and there she is sitting over there at the table." Logan brushed his hand in his hair as he said it and subtly pointed to the fourth table in the middle of the cafeteria. Erica looked over and trying not to stare took the girl in. She was petite and blonde and she was staring at them with a mixture of sadness, confusion and anger on her face. It was obvious to Erica that she still cared about Logan and whatever their issues Logan obviously still cared about her. Erica reached over and put her hand on Logan's face and pulled him down to meet her eyes. "Well let's not disappoint her" Logan looked confused. "What are you doing?" he asked. "I am whispering sweet nothings in your ear cuz she is looking right at us. We might be able to make her jealous." Logan finally understood and smirked at her. When they finally looked away from each other they both turned to see Veronica storming out of the cafeteria. "Boy she has got it bad for you…I don't think you'll have to wait long before she comes crawling back to you!" "You think so?" Logan couldn't help but smile. Veronica was cute when she was jealous and what made it cute was that she always denied that she was jealous even though the expression on her face said it all. Logan was always was good at reading her. "Hey so I have to go meet Carrie so I guess I'll see you around." Erica said as she turned to leave. "Carrie Bishop? What is she doing here?" Logan asked. "She goes to school here, do you know her? "Erica furrowed her brow a little. "Yeah we went to high school with her, Veronica and me." "I said it before and I'll say it again, it's a small world! "Erica laughed and shrugged her shoulders, I'll see you later buddy." "Yeah sure, bye" said Logan. Erica walked out of the cafeteria and straight into the bathroom. She didn't know why but her heart was beating in her chest being so close to him like that, smelling his scent and feeling his breathe…_stop it Erica, he is in love with another women...Geez._ Lost in thought she left the bathroom and headed for the music room where she saw Mel and Carrie waiting for her. "What the hell Erica you're like 15 mins late girl" Carrie said as she sat by the piano. Erica rolled her eyes "I got caught up in the cafeteria" Mel piped in, "Yeah talking to Logan Echolls and looking pretty friendly there, eh? " "You saw us?" Erica said as she blushed. Mel laughed but Carrie looked serious as she said "Watch out Erica, I don't want you to get hurt. Logan Echolls was a heartbreaker in high school until he met Veronica Mars. Then she broke his heart. I wouldn't want to go near that love triangle with a ten foot pole!" "I am fine Erica said…we grew up together until we were ten and I moved and then I met with him a couple of weeks ago. That's all!" Erica said as she took the mic from the stand…"Enough gossip, let's make some music."

Veronica's POV

She was sitting in the cafeteria getting ready to eat her breakfast when she spotted him the food line. _Logan Echolls, don't you get it, ex-boyfriend that's your new title. It comes with certain restrictions. This is my food court time you're not a breakfast person, you're not even an early lunch kind of guy. Can't we just agree this is Veronica time? _She thought as she sat there watching him. Suddenly she saw a cute redhead approach him in the line. _Hmm, _she frowned, _who the hell is that and why do they look a little too cozy for my taste. _ She sat watching them for a few minutes and her body tensed as she saw the redhead girl lean into him. _What alternate universe was she living in any way? Had Logan really moved on that quickly? I mean it has only been a couple of weeks? She was pretty that is for sure. God Veronica what do you expect I mean this is Logan were talking about, my hot sexy Logan, only he isn't mine anymore and by the looks of things he seems to belong to some else. This was too much. Veronica new Logan might very well find some comfort in meaningless sex with some floozy because that is how he coped. But there was something in the way they looked at each that told her this was not just meaningless sex! OMG she was going to be sick she just had to get out of there. _ She stood up and walked toward the door as fast as she could. She only looked back in just enough time to see them part ways. She felt a panic wave come over. _Veronica what were you thinking…Logan put his heart on the line and you threw it back in his face. Well I am not going to stand by and just let him go. _"Veronica" Mac said as she approached with two other people. _Well I guess I'll have to come up with a plan later, _Veronica thought.

**Later that same day…**

She didn't know how long she had stood outside Logan's room at the Neptune Grand but she had a feeling it was a while. She was pacing back and forth, her hands were shaking…_God Veronica what is the matter with you! It's Logan, just knock on the door and say it. Say what? Say you're sorry for the way you treated him and that you love him and you don't want to lose him to that stupid girl you saw him with earlier. _When she finally stopped pacing she was a little winded. She made a mental note that perhaps she should enroll in Logan's weightlifting class next semester. She took a deep breath and knocked on the door. _It's now or never Veronica. _She waited for what seemed like hours until finally the door opened and there he was. Logan Echolls, her Logan. His mouth dropped a bit at the sight of her. _What the hell she is doing here, he thought. _ They both stood there for a moment taking each other in. Logan's eyes looked sad and desperate and Veronica couldn't help but feel a wave of guilt wash over her. _Maybe he wasn't seeing anyone after all, she thought. _Logan could tell that no matter how hard she tried her eyes were shining with the tears she couldn't let go of. Before Veronica could open her mouth to say anything they found each other like magnets they were drawn toward each other. Veronica grabbed Logan's face as their mouths closed in on one another with so much need it was almost too much. Logan wrapped his arms so tight around her she could barely breathe but it was okay because he didn't want to let her go again. They held the kiss as Logan fiddled with the door to close it shut. Her mouth started to tease his as her tongue found the roof of his mouth and she could feel the heat rising in her body. Logan's hands now drifted to the lower part of her buttocks and squeezed tightly. It was getting more difficult for him to control his desire for her. _This was going to be a good night…he couldn't believe that she came back to him and he resolved to push his uneasy feeling as far back as his mind would let him. Tonight he was going to get his chance to show her his love and he was going to pleasure her as much and long as he could. Tonight he was not going to think about the inevitable disappointment she would have in him when she did what she always did and started digging too deep into old wounds. Maybe Erica was right. She might still love him after all. He thought._ Logan smiled at the thought of it as he began to take off her bra and take her in. _Yes, tonight was going to be epic!_


	3. Chapter 3

Fix You

**Authors Note: Thanks so much to my one reviewer so far. There will be some good scenes of Veronica and Logan together before they break-up and in my version of season 3 they actually stay together a bit longer then in the show but we all know that eventually Veronica breaks up with him for good and that is when Erica my new character really helps Logan deal with it and move on and he actually helps her too. Please keep reading. I do not own any of the song lyrics. Lyrics By Howie Day Song: Collide.**

Chapter 3: Collide Part 1

_The dawn is breaking, a light's shining through. You barely waking and I'm tangled up in you…_

Veronica opened her eyes and looked at the clock on the night stand next to her. 12:00 a.m. midnight. _Was last night a dream? She thought_, as she rolled over to see Logan peacefully sleeping next to her. She smiled and breathed a sigh. _No, last night was only the best night she and Logan had shared since they were together. God, she loved him. She knew that would never change but could she learn to trust him? She knew she had to if she wanted to be with him but she had to ask him the one question that was burning in her mind. _She reached over and kissed him on the cheek. "Hmmm" Logan said sleepily as he slowly opened his eyes to see Veronica next to him. "As a rule I like to start every morning with a hot blonde in my bed." He winked at her. She laughed a little and wrapped herself in his arms. "You know if I were a hooker, this snuggle would cost you." "And I'd gladly pay…for this cash money." Logan said as he put a small kiss on her nose. "But seriously folks have you?" she asked. "Have I been with a hooker?" "Why does it matter" he said his face growing more apprehensive. He doesn't like where this is going. "I just want know…I assume the answer is yes…look at it as an opportunity for me to show you how cool I can be. Hooker, who cares!" "Here's your chance to be cool and stop asking." He said. "I just want to get to a place with you where we can be really intimate." "That is what the female preying mantis says before she bites the males head off" Logan said. Now he is getting annoyed with this whole conversation. "I am just saying buried secrets tend to surface when I am around." Logan puts his hand on Veronica's face and sweeps a piece of loose hair over her forehead. "That's because of all the digging." "I am giving you the chance right now to come clean…you tell all…I tell all and we go from there." She said. Logan sighed, he knew he wasn't going to win this one and that uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach started to surface. "Fine ask away…ask anything." "Have you ever been with a hooker?" Veronica waited for his answer. "No" he said and the look in his eye said it all. She smiled a little and he laughed. She didn't expect that answer from him but she felt a little relieved. "Want to ask me anything" she said. He looked at her as seriously as he could and asked, "Have you ever been with a hooker?" "No" she said and jumped right into the next question. "That night you were in Mexico with Mercer" Logan rolled his eyes and turned onto his back "Are you kidding me?" "How was he able to commit rape and return to Mexico without you knowing? He knew it was a valid question but he didn't really have a valid answer. "I don't know, I must have passed out." He said with a sigh. "It only felt like a couple of minutes but it could have been hours. I don't know, maybe he drugged me or something." He turned back to face her. "One more question" "Can I have my turn?" Logan interrupted. "Where you with anyone while we were broken up?" Logan looked at her and said "No, Veronica how could I be with anyone else except you?" Veronica looked at him questioningly, "What about that redhead I saw you in the cafeteria with? You too looked pretty cozy?" Logan laughed on the inside remembering that Erica had intentionally tried to look cozy because she knew Veronica was watching. _I guess that worked. _"Her? Oh she is a friend of mine. We used to be neighbors until she moved away when we were ten." I met up with her a couple of weeks ago and only now realized that she goes to Hearst." "How come you never mentioned her?" Veronica asked surprised to realize that she didn't actually know much about Logan's childhood. "I guess I forgot, we lost touch and we were really just kids then. She's really nice though, think you too would get along great, I can introduce you to her." Logan said. "Yeah I'd like that a lot" Veronica looked over at the clock and it was past two in the morning. Yawning, she turned around into a spooning position as Logan put his arm around her again. "However, since we do have class early in the morning, I think we should get some sleep now" Veronica said. "Goodnight Veronica." Logan said as he kissed her shoulder. "Goodnight Logan" Veronica said. _Say it Veronica, tell him you love him…why is this so hard for you?_ She thought, as she tipped her head again to see Logan fast asleep. _That was quick! Well no need to get any heavier tonight…I think we have both had enough intimacy for one night. _She thought as she slowly drifted off to sleep.

_I'm open you're closed, where I follow you'll go, I worry I won't see your face light up again…_

The next morning Logan and Veronica were walking to the cafeteria together when they ran into Carrie and Erica in the hall. "Hey Logan, what's up?" The redhead said first. She looked down and saw their hands intertwined and she was a bit puzzled. However, she knew that there was no way this girl would be able to stay away from Logan for long, based on their little cafeteria display the other day. "Nothing, oh hey…this is my girlfriend Veronica" He said. Veronica smiled and held her hand out to Erica. "Hi I am Erica…last time I checked you were his ex-girlfriend, right? " She shook Veronica's hand pensively. Veronica was taken aback by the little stab but decided to let it go. "Yeah well, Logan and I got back together she said with a sarcastic laugh. "And I guess you would be the ex-friend" Veronica said. They both looked at each other with fire in their nostrils but they both tried to contain the tension. Before they could say anymore Carrie stepped forward. "Hi Veronica, bet you didn't think you'd see me again after high school, eh? Veronica looked at Carrie and smiled, "Hey Carrie" She never had anything against Carrie although she didn't know her very well. Until now Logan was observing all that was going on but he thought that if he didn't step in soon this would turn into a cat fight! Although he didn't know why? He really wanted Veronica to like Erica. "Well guys it was really nice talking to you but we have to get something to eat before our stomach's explode." "Okay no problem" Carrie said as they turned to leave. Erica grabbed Carrie's hand and whispered…"Hey I think we should invite them to club dance on Saturday they can see us play." "No way Erica, you're crazy! You know how you get there, do really want Logan seeing you like that?" Carrie said. "Oh Carrie, really I can control myself for one night…the partying does get intense though." "Yeah inviting them would be a horrible idea!" Carrie said with a look of disgust. Carrie knew Erica's secret hunted her and while she did a good job hiding it during the day the night brought out the darkness in her that she couldn't control. "Okay then its settled" Erica smiled as she quickly ran to catch up with Logan and Veronica. "Hey guys wait up" she ran over and grabbed Logan by the hand. "Carrie and I and our band are playing Saturday night, our first gig at club dance just outside of Neptune, would guys like to come?" Veronica was the first to speak up "Umm I don't think that is a good idea, I mean I haven't heard any good things about that club." "Well if by "good" you mean the music is loud, the people are obnoxious, and the drugs are rampant, then I would say you got it right. The partying can get pretty intense so if you are not up for it then I get it." She looked at Logan with disappointed puppy eyes she knew he wouldn't be able to resist. Logan looked at her and then at Veronica, "I don't think it would hurt, I mean if they are playing there then it can't be that bad. Besides, I am sure it can't be any worse than the partying down in Mexico, girls gone wild and all?" Logan was now giving Veronica the puppy eyes! _Ahh she hated when he did that because she couldn't say no! She had a bad feeling about that place and about Erica wanting them to go. Does she have a thing for Logan? I mean not that Logan would ever notice but it seems like she is making this into a competition. Ahh well…as long as I am in the supportive girlfriend mode. _ "Okay, alright well go. What time should we meet you there Erica?" Logan and Erica both looked at each other smiling as if they had won a contest. "Be there at 9:00 p.m. sharp and tell the bouncer you are with us. He'll take you back stage where you can get a better view of the show." She said. "Wow don't we feel special, you are going to be famous yet, Erica" Logan said with a proud smile. "Thanks, Logan. I'll see you guys there than." She said and she turned to leave. Logan and Veronica entered the cafeteria. "Logan I really don't feel comfortable going to that club. Just yesterday I read an article about how two under aged kids were rushed to the hospital because they OD'd on ecstasy and the cops won't shut the club down because the owner is bribing them." Logan smiled, "Well now we know why Sheriff Lamb always has a BMW parked in front of police headquarters!" "Stop" Veronica smiled back and pushed into him. "It's just outside of Neptune so it is not even within their jurisdiction. It is San Diego cops." "Well Sherlock guess you are back to square one on that case! But seriously, we are only going to support a friend, it's not like the bouncers are going to force anything down our throats!" Logan said. "Look I really want you and Erica to be friends, Veronica, so please try to have fun." Logan kissed Veronica on the forehead and said, "I'll pick you up at 8:00 p.m. I have to go to class now." As she watched Logan walk into the hall she sighed. She didn't know what it was but she didn't trust Erica. It seemed like she was hiding something but Veronica didn't know what it was just yet.

_I'm quite you know, you make a first impression; I found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind…_


	4. Chapter 4

Fix You

**Authors Note: I don't own any of the lyrics. Lyrics by Howie Day Song: Collide and Sara Bareilles Song: Breathe Again. **

Chapter 4: Collide Part 2

_Don't stop here, I lost my place, I am close behind…._

Logan and Veronica entered club Dance at 9:00 p.m. on Saturday night. They showed their fake ID's to the security guard at the door and told him that they were friends of Carrie and Erica. The guard looked at them with a smirk on his face and said "Here, you'll want these then, it's the special stash they reserve for their friends." The guard pulled out a small box of colorful pills and handed it to Logan. Logan and Veronica looked at each other apprehensively. "Umm isn't that illegal?" Veronica pointed to the box. The guard rolled his eyes and said "look lady it doesn't matter if it is or not, the president himself couldn't shut down this club so do you want it or not?" Veronica shook her head in disgust. "Umm no thanks." "Suit yourself kid, you and boyfriend here won't have much fun being the only ones in the club not on a high but welcome to club dance" the guard smiled, "You can go walk down the hall through the dance floor and there will be a large theater style room with a round rotating dance floor in the middle that is where your friends are." The guard opened the curtain and pointed down the large hall. Logan grabbed Veronica's hand and they started walking. "What kind of place is this, a den of iniquity I'd say? " Veronica ask as she held tight to Logan's hand. "Veronica this nothing compared to the way the Mexican's party but at least we hopefully managed to avoid another public arrest!" Logan said as he smiled at her. "Did you know that your friend Erica was a drug addict?" Veronica asked. "Hey now just cuz that is the way she welcomes her friends and perhaps experiments herself occasionally doesn't make her a drug addict" Logan said in her defense. Veronica was taken aback by the way Logan so quickly came to her defense and she was about to respond when Erica came rushing over to them. "Hey guys, OMG this so exciting that you guys made it…isn't this great…I hope you picked up the little box I left you…that shit is amazing…I mean I feel so tingly and warm and is it just me or is it really hot in here…I am on my third one!" She said it so fast she was out of breath by the time she got the words out. All of a sudden a man came up behind her and grabbed her hand and kissed her neck. She shuttered at the feeling that went through her body and suddenly she felt like she would lose control with just one sensation. "Oh Sean baby, you don't even know what you are doing to me with just a touch. " She said. "And that ain't even the good stuff kiddo." He said, glancing over at Veronica and Logan who were standing there observing her erratic behavior with their mouths wide open. "Now Sean I cannot be convinced to touch that little white sac with a ten foot pole, you know I can't mix meds, but…I might be persuaded to touch your sac, if you know what I mean" She said with a laugh and she ran her hand along his groin. They both laughed. "However, I have to perform in like 30 minutes so I'll wait for you in my dressing room, remember we don't have much time!" She laughed again as she turned and headed for the dressing room. Logan frowned, _What the hell was she doing hanging out with sleaze and what could be haunting her so much that she has to get high to escape it? _Logan knew from experience that the only reason most people became addicts were because they couldn't escape the pain they were hiding. _This was not the Erica he used to know or even the one he met on the beach a couple of weeks ago_, _he thought_. Logan grabbed Sean's arm as Veronica tried to stop him; he pulled Sean close to him. "I don't know what you are doing to Erica but you stay away from her do understand? She isn't some whore that you can drug up and make money from " "Hey man get off me…and from where I am standing that is exactly what she is." He said as he brushed Logan's hand off him. "I don't know how well you know that girl but from what I hear she' s slept with almost everyone in this club and honestly she's a good lay but the guys say she can get a little crazy if you know what I mean." Sean winked at them and Logan could feel his blood boil. _Who the hell did this guy think_ _he was talking about Erica this way, his Erica, the one was there for him when he had no one else?_ Logan was about to punch him when Veronica grabbed his arm and said "Sean, what do you mean by crazy?" "Well kind of dark you know…she's into some kinky stuff and then she gets all weird afterword and starts to cry uncontrollably…total turn off at the end you know…pardon me but I have to go I have ten minutes before they go on and I was invited into a girls…well you know the rest, see ya" he said as turned and ran toward the dressing rooms. Logan started to follow, _there was no way in hell he was going to let her sleep with this disgusting maggot, he thought_. Veronica pulled Logan to the side. "Hey, what do you think you are doing? I don't think it is any of our business who she sleeps with, even if Sean is a sleaze bag." "Veronica, she's not even thinking straight, I can't let her make that kind of mistake, please understand." Logan said as he looked at Veronica with a mixture of anger and sadness in his eyes. "Logan, you can't save everyone, it sounds to me like she has some demons that she doesn't want you to know about and I think we need to stay out of it." Veronica said. "Oh how Ironic, Veronica, you live to dig up the dirt on people and now when someone needs our help you want to stay out of it? Logan said as he was clearly frustrated at Veronica's lack of concern. "I am going to talk to Carrie and see if she knows what is going on." Logan headed toward the dressing. Veronica rolled her eyes and sighed, _why was Logan so interested in saving her? I mean clearly Erica had problems and needed help but why did it have to be her Logan that had to help? _

Logan approached the dressing room and he could hear Erica sobbing uncontrollably while Carrie was trying to calm her. Logan swung open the door and saw Erica curled up in a fetal position with Carrie sitting with her and Sean zipping his pants. They all looked up to see him standing there. Logan didn't know what came over him at the time but he felt such rage and helplessness take over him as soon as he saw Erica hurting. He walked over to her and said "are you alright, did he hurt you?" When Erica saw Logan she started sobbing even louder "No, No, this is a nightmare, this can't be happening." That is all Logan needed to hear. He walked over to Sean and aimed his fist right for the smile Sean had on his face. Sean stumbled back a little as he felt the punch and said in a shaky voice "Dude, that's what she does, I told you, but she was a good lay" he said as the smirk on his face got larger. That was it. Logan walked back over to Sean with the intention of beating that smirk right off ugly face. He raised his fist again and… "Wait" Erica said as she ran over to Logan and grabbed his arm. Please let him go he didn't hurt me" she said. Logan turned around and looked at her confused. Her eyes were red and the tears still shined them as she said "He didn't hurt me; I did it to myself" she shook her head determine not to let Logan see her like this she turned to Carrie. "Carrie we have a show to do" then she turned back to Logan as if nothing happened and smiled "I am sorry this didn't turn out to be the most ideal night but please don't leave just yet, Carrie and I are going to perform and I really want you there." Logan just stared at her trying to read her. _What the hell was going on inside her that made her go from a helpless child one minute to a beautiful vulnerable woman the next. Beautiful, wait Logan you already have a girlfriend who is probably not very happy with your little public display just now. _He looked over at Veronica who was standing in front of the dressing room door observing all this with a very disapproving look on her face. He knew she wanted to get out of there but at the same time he didn't want to disappoint Erica who was always such a good friend to him. He looked back at Erica and thought _who are kidding Logan she is gorgeous even if she is your friend. Being with Veronica had not left him completely immune to a woman's charms! _ "Okay Erica, Veronica and I will stay but just to watch the show and then we need to leave. Are you sure you are okay to go on?" "Yes Logan, I have to do this…I am not sure if you know this but a lot of record producers and DJ's frequent this place so at any time this could be our big break! Thanks for staying." Erica smiled at Logan and grabbed her mic. "Come on Carrie let's do this… I think Melanie is already out there." She and Carrie started walking towards the door. As she passed Veronica who was still observing in complete shock she said, "I am really sorry about all this Veronica but thank you for staying." And they started towards the stage. Logan walked toward Veronica and put his arm around her. "Are you okay" he said. "Well I am a little shocked honestly and I don't shock easily…what was I saying about being a drug addict?" Veronica looked up at Logan forcing a smile. Logan laughed a little at the thought of Veronica being shocked and then he looked down at her with a very serious expression, he said "Veronica, even after what we saw I don't think Erica is an addict but I do think she is hiding something that might end up killing her if we don't find out what it is. I need you to help me." He asked. Veronica sighed, _maybe I should start a drinking game after all? _ " Alright Logan, let's talk more later because I am going to have to get some information from Carrie since we both know Erica isn't going to tell me anything."

**Erica's POV**

Erica started out in front of the stage and she could hear the crowd going wild. She tried to look out into the crowd but the lights were so bright she couldn't see much. Suddenly she felt a rush of energy through her body. She could feel the sweat dripping down her forehead and the heat rising in her head. It was a feeling of both excitement and peace at the same time. She wasn't sure if it was really that hot in the room or if it was her imagination. She knew the moment the music started so would the flashbacks. She knew she had to face her fears tonight or risk losing everything. Her dream of becoming famous, her friends, and then there was Logan. Every time she saw the bad things she would always see a light and she would run and there he was at end of it. That is only way she could get through the visions sometimes. Strange how they only haunted her at night and even stranger how they haunted her while she was doing the one thing she could never give up. The one thing that gave her joy. _I guess you have to take the good and the bad in life. _She thought. _The show must go on!_

"_Car is parked, bags are packed, but what kind of heart doesn't look back…at the comfortable glow from the porch…the one I will still call yours… all those word came undone…and now I am not the only one…facing the ghosts that decide if the fire inside still burns…_

She saw her dad and the candles and felt the touching and heard the words he would say to her…only they really weren't to her…they were to her dead mother that he saw in his daughter…OMG she could see the illusions in front of her and felt the tears stinging in her eyes. _Don't blow this Erica not now…_She searched the crowd and there he was. _Logan Echolls, there he was…looking a bit shocked that we are actually good! _Even though she knew Veronica wouldn't appreciate her singing the words she was singing while never taking her eyes from him, it was the only way she could keep the past at bay.

"_All I am, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe, holds my love in his hands and still I am searching for something…out of breathe I am left hoping someday I will breathe again…._

**Logan's POV**

_Is it my imagination or is she not looking right at me? It's a little scary but this is actually a great song! I can see that she is going to really make it someday. If she can get past her demons. God it was bugging him. He didn't know why but he felt this need to protect her. It scared him because he thought he would only be able to feel that way about Veronica. Then again she had been a friend to him and he was amazed at how they were able to pick up where they left off as if no time had passed. _As he stood there looking into her eyes trying to find some hint of what in her past or perhaps what in her present had such a hold over her; he didn't realize how much he was giving to her with just a look nor did he understand what it all meant.

**Veronica's POV**

_Veronica was just trying to make sense of the evening. She had told Logan that this was a bad idea from the start but he had insisted on going here to support Erica. But after all this, I mean she felt bad for Erica, she really did. Obviously something awful was eating at her and she was trying her best to deal with it but was it her imagination or was she singing this love song to her boyfriend right in front of her? What nerve! I mean was Erica trying to steal Logan from her? Nah, she really did seem genuine and Veronica was usually a pretty good judge of character. But if she wasn't trying to steal him then what was it that was between them? Something that had Logan acting like a crazy lunatic ready fight the world for her and her readily seeking him out for some type of protection? Veronica wasn't going to deny that she was jealous of this bond they shared but perhaps it was deeper than anyone really knew or understood. Maybe she reminded Logan of his mother that he couldn't save? Well maybe the sooner she could dig up the dirt, so to speak, on Erica everything would come out in the open and Erica would release this hold she had on him and everything could go back to normal. _

_ "Open up, next to you and my secrets become your truth and the distance between that was sheltering me comes in full view…hang my head, break my heart…built from all I have torn apart…and my burden to bear is a love I can't carry anymore…._

Erica finished the song after what seemed like hours. After the music stopped the crowd went crazy and shouted…More, More, More…She took a bow and Carrie took the Mic and thanked the audience and said they would be back with some dance tunes to blow the roof off the place. The words were fuzzy at best and Erica started to feel her legs buckle beneath her as she stumbled off the stage. Logan looked at her and felt sick. She was pale and completely sweaty and her eyes started to glaze over. _This can't be good, he thought. _ "That was an amazing song" Veronica said to her. "Thanks, complete slob in my personal life but the show must go on…can't be a disappointment" Erica said as she looked at Logan. She reached out for him and that is the last thing she remembers before she collapsed in his arms.


	5. Chapter 5

Fix You

Chapter 5: Secrets Discovered

**Author's note: Guys, sorry for the delay in the update. I was busy at work. Anyway, this chapter is pretty heavy. Deals with some pretty important issues that happened to kids and teens probably more than we know so I just don't want to offend anyone. This character is completely fictional but the subject matter deals with abuse. Anyway, the next couple chapters are going to be sad but I promise it will get happier! Thanks to my couple of readers for reading!**

Erica opened her eyes and looked around the room. Her eyes were a bit fuzzy still and her head was pounding like a drum. The room was pretty nice with a fireplace, a huge balcony and blue fish somewhere on the wall. Whether they were real or not, she couldn't figure that out. She heard muffled voices and looked toward the door where she could see Logan, Veronica and Carrie huddled together, probably discussing what to do with her. She didn't remember much of anything that happened last night other than her more than stellar stage performance that she felt surely would guarantee them a record deal. How she ended up at the Neptune Grand in what she presumed was Logan's room she had no idea! _Oh the noises, she thought. Maybe I better go back to sleep, I am sure everything will be okay when I wake up. _ She laid her head back down on the couch and closed her eyes.

"I think it was a mistake bringing her here Carrie, we need to get her to a hospital." Veronica said. "I agree I mean what if she OD'd on the X, she needs to get help." Logan said as he looked back at Erica sleeping on his couch. "Guys, she'll be fine, she probably took her meds in the morning and then forgetting that she took them took the ecstasy. She just needs to sleep it off." Carrie said as she started to grab her purse. "Carrie what kind of friend are you, I mean…wait what meds?" Veronica said as she looked at Carrie curiously. Carrie looked up at them with a guilty look "She takes anti-depressants. I don't know what they are called or why but she does. I didn't realize she took them this morning or I would have stopped her from taking the X." "For what Carrie, what is she hiding?" Logan said as he grabbed Carrie's arm. Carrie sighed, "I don't know and even if I did I wouldn't tell you. If she wants people to know she will tell them herself." "Carrie this is life and death. Erica could have died tonight. You need to tell us what you know." Veronica said. "Veronica, I know your reputation for digging up dirt but this is probably one secret that is better left buried. I know she is trying so hard to forget that digging it up could because more harm than good. I am asking you to let it be." Carrie said as looked at Veronica pleadingly. "Carrie, Erica has been my friend and has seen me through a lot as a kid and now she needs someone to do the same for her, you have to tell us." Logan said. Carrie had just about had enough of this night. While she knew they had a point she also knew that whatever her friend was hiding may cause her more pain if it came to the surface. While she admired Erica for being able to push past the pain and perform the way she did tonight she also felt bad that she had to carry the weight of whatever secret she kept by herself. Part of Carrie knew that if anyone could help her it was Logan. She sighed again, "All I know is that it has something to do with her dad. One night when we were drinking at the dorm she started to talk about how everyone at the college thought she was easy. How there is probably not one guy on campus she hasn't been with. She wasn't bragging she was saying how she just wanted to be loved for who she was and to be accepted. That the one person in her life she wanted acceptance from had been unable to give her that because he always saw her mother when he looked at her. Anyway, she shuddered at a passing thought and then took a drink and that was the only time she ever talked about it." Carrie said. Veronica looked at Logan as she was processing the information Carrie had just revealed. "I have to go back to the dorm and get some sleep. "When she wakes up please give her the meds that are in her purse and tell her eat something and call me. Thanks again Logan for letting her stay with you." Carrie turned and walked out the door. Veronica looked at Logan with a mixture of confusion and annoyance. "Logan, you are not seriously going to let her stay here are you?" she punched his arm half-joking and half not. Logan looked at Veronica and laughed. "Do I really have a choice? She is passed out on my couch. Hey, what do you make of what Carrie said?" Logan and Veronica walked toward the couch and he looked at her more seriously now. He knew the wheels were turning in her head. Veronica sighed, "Well I think I have an idea but it's not a pretty picture Logan and before I say anything I need to confirm a few things first."

Erica was awake now and could hear everything Logan and Veronica were talking about and she didn't like it one bit. _Who did Veronica think she was to go prying into her business! And O God, Logan. There is no way she was going to let Logan find out. She would die with shame…she wanted to become invisible and pretend this night never happened. All the night's events were now replaying in her head and while she thought it was adorable that Logan wanted to protect her; she also wanted to protect him. She just wasn't ready to face her demons when she had spent so long trying to hide them. She also couldn't bear Logan thinking of her as damaged goods. _She quickly sat up and startling both Logan and Veronica who were sitting on the couch next to her. "OH…hey are you okay, maybe you should take it a bit slow" Logan said as he jumped from his place on the couch and over to her side. She winced with pain and honestly felt a little dizzy. "Yeah, I am fine. Listen I am really sorry for the way this night turned out and I appreciate you letting me crash here and all but I really need to get back to the dorm. I wish Carrie had waited for me." Erica said as she attempted to get up. Logan grabbed her hand and said, "No way you are not going anywhere…you had a rough night and you are going to stay here on the couch." Veronica was a little annoyed at the speed in which Logan offered her his place even if she did look green as a monster. "Thanks, Logan but I better go." She looked over at Veronica and said, "Veronica thanks for being so understanding. However, I would appreciate it if you do not continue to ask Carrie anything about my past. I can assure you that she doesn't know anything." Veronica looked at Logan a bit offended and Logan turned to Erica, "I am just worried about you Erica, please tell me what is going on so I can help." Logan said. Erica grabbed Logan's hand and looked straight into his eyes as if Veronica were not even in the room. "Logan believe me, you don't want to know what is going on and I don't want you know because if you did you wouldn't see me the same way again." Tears started to swell in her eyes as she was silently pleaded with him to let it go. "Erica, you know that is not true. We are friends and nothing can change that. I mean if you knew all the horrible things I have done…" Logan looked at her as she got up and started for the door. Veronica got up and walked after her. "Erica, Logan's right none of us are perfect we all have secrets." Erica whipped herself around so quickly she almost bumped right into Veronica. She held her hand up and said, "Oh really Veronica! Like you? What secrets do you have? Aren't you the one who takes joy in standing on your golden pedestal while judging others? "I umm, I …Veronica stuttered, that was not something she expected to hear. Logan came over and stood by Veronica, "Erica, don't talk to Veronica like that, she is only trying to help." Logan looked at her with a warning. "Well then, Logan it seems that you are recanting what you said to me a couple of weeks ago about how Veronica just didn't love you enough?" Logan looked at her as if she had revealed his deepest secret and Veronica stood with her mouth open as she looked back at Logan. "I think I have said enough for tonight. Both of you need to stay out of my business. Goodnight." And with that Erica stormed out of the room leaving Logan and Veronica tongue-tied.

Veronica grabbed Logan's hand and when she finally processed what Erica had said, she reached over to him and tenderly kissed his lips. "Logan, I am so sorry, I had no idea that is what you really thought." She said. Logan shook his head. "It doesn't matter now, you are here and I know you love me. I guess I just wanted you to need me too, the way I need you." Veronica saw the hurt, the loneliness and the hope in his eyes as he said it and her heart ached. She feared she would never need him the way he needed her even if she did love him. "Please Veronica; you have to find out what Erica is hiding. I know she is in pain; I can see it in her eyes. I just want to help her the way she did for me and I can't do that if I don't know what is wrong." Veronica walked toward the bedroom. "I'll do what I can Logan, but are you ready to deal with the pain that it will bring if we dig?" Logan followed her and looked into her eyes, "I have to be." Veronica and Logan lay down on the bed overcome with exhaustion after the night's events and drifted off to sleep.

The next morning Erica decided she was going to get to school early. She had to talk to Carrie. She got in her car and started driving toward the Hearst Campus. She picked up her cell and dialed Carrie's number. "Hello, Erica how are you doing?" Carrie asked with a touch of sympathy mixed with annoyance in her voice. "Look Carrie, I am on my way to school and we need to talk. I am sorry about last night. You were right. I should have never invited them." Erica could already feel the tears swelling in her eyes and she didn't know how she was going to deal this time. Until last night the visions only came to her at night. Now she couldn't seem to keep them away. "Well I am going to spare you the I told you so speech because honestly I was really worried about you Erica. I mean I have never seen you like that. You have to tell me what is going on." Carrie said. "Why so you can go tell Veronica Mars? Next thing I know it will be all over channel 7 news!" Erica knew Carrie would never do anything to hurt her intentionally but she also knew Veronica had a clever way of wrapping people around her finger, I mean she'd managed to do it with Logan. "That's not fair Erica; I am just trying to understand you so I can help." Erica had expected Carrie to answer that with anger but instead there was real hurt in her voice. "I know Carrie, I am sorry…look I am on my way. Meet me in the girl's bathroom in twenty minutes and make sure you lock it. I don't want to take the chance that someone will walk in on us." Erica hung up the phone and started driving quicker. She couldn't explain it but there was a sense of urgency that she hadn't felt before. She never told anyone, other than her therapist, what happened all those years ago but she felt that maybe if she told her friend; she could find the peace that she was desperately seeking. When she got to school, she pulled into the parking lot and rushed inside and headed straight to the bathroom.

The bell rang and Veronica exited her criminology class cringing at the thought of writing a 20 page paper even if she could conjure up the perfect murder in her sleep. Her thoughts started drifting to last night's events and what Logan had asked her to do. She had this really bad feeling that he was not going to like what she found out. She remembered the pain and fear and sadness in Erica's eyes right after she had done the deed with Sean. She'd like to think it was the fact that Sean was that bad of a lover but she had a feeling it went deeper than that. Someone had hurt Erica badly. As she rounded the corner toward the bathroom she saw Carrie and Erica whispering in low voices. _Speak of the devil, she thought. _First she looked around to be sure that no one was around to see her and then she knelt down and put her ear right up against the door. "I must say Erica I was really impressed at how you kept it together during the song. I mean you were awesome and I wouldn't be surprised if my uncle or any number of record companies will sign us. But I wonder if you can handle it. You have to tell me what is going on." Carrie said as she put her arms around her friend. "You promise you won't tell Veronica because she'll just go and tell Logan and I can't let him find out." Erica said trying to hide her shame. "I can promise I won't tell Veronica but I can't promise I won't tell Logan. He really cares about you Erica." _Yeah, a little too much, Veronica thought as she listened intently. "_Well then I am not going to tell you Carrie because I can't… I just …its terrible…its, I know he didn't mean it but he is my dad and he was hurting too…" Erica couldn't hold it in any longer and she let the tears fall freely. She started to shake uncontrollably and Carrie tried to calm her. "Erica its okay I need to know so I can help you. I don't want to see you hurt like this." Carrie said holding her friend. Suddenly anger flashed in Erica's eyes and she pushed Carrie away. "There is nothing you can do. You can't fix what is unfixable. The damage is done and I have to live with it. It will only make things worse if you keep bugging me about it" She said with disgust as she wiped her tears away. She was more determined than ever not to let this break her even though she knew she was already broken. Carrie stepped back surprised and angry. "Erica you are crazy you know that" Carrie's voice started getting louder with every word. "You are the one who called me and wanted to talk and now you are acting like nothing is wrong…I don't know why I waste my time with you." Carrie knew the last thing Erica needed was her anger showing through but she couldn't help it. Erica was being unfair to her. All Carrie wanted was for Erica to trust her with her secret. "Fine" Erica said, "Don't waste your time with me! I don't need you or anyone." Erica knew she was being unfair, after all Carrie was right, she had called her. She just didn't like to be pushed and she felt Carrie was pushing her. She also didn't know if Carrie would really understand once she told her the truth. Carrie looked at Erica and shook her head as she held her hand up, "Whatever, I am tired of your games…let's just not talk for a while, I think we both need a break." Carrie turned to walk out the door and Erica grabbed her hand. Outside the door Veronica moved away and rounded the corner so she wouldn't be seen. She breathed a sigh. Now it all makes sense. As much as she didn't like Erica she would not wish that kind of pain on anyone. Veronica still needed confirmation from Erica but she was pretty sure she knew what was haunting her and why she didn't want to tell Logan. While she hated to think that Erica might have feelings for Logan she knew that could be the only reason that she didn't want to tell him of the abuse. She didn't want Logan to think of her as some kind of slut. She blamed herself. Veronica was startled out of her thoughts as she saw Carrie walking out of the bathroom. _Well here goes nothing, she thought as she walked toward the bathroom. _

Inside the bathroom Erica leaned against the wall and slid to her knees. She felt so weak and she was so tired of fighting everyone. All she wanted was to be normal again. To feel happy, to have fun, to feel love. Suddenly she looked over as the bathroom door swung open and there was Veronica Mars. Of course! She got to her feet quickly as a sudden feeling of panic came over her. _Had she heard the exchange with Carrie? Was she here to try to pry the truth out of her? _Erica was not about to find out as she rushed toward the door. Veronica moved in front of it and held her hand up. "Not so fast" "Please Veronica, look I don't know what you heard but…" Veronica interrupted "Your dad abused you is that it, is that why you are hurting?" Erica looked at Veronica in shock! _She was good! What do I do now, do I deny it or do I admit it? _ As she contemplated what to do she looked at Veronica and was even more shocked to see a look of sympathy where she expected to see a satisfying smirk of victory on her face. Erica leaned against the wall again in defeat tired of living in denial. She honestly didn't care what Veronica thought of her. She did care what Logan thought though and she knew Veronica would tell Logan the truth. She looked up pleadingly up at Veronica. "Please Veronica you can't tell Logan, you can't tell anyone." Veronica sighed…_So much for confirmation she thought. _ She sat down on the floor next to Erica. "What happened, I mean why? Logan always said you and your dad were close?" Erica was really not in the mood to re-live the visions that plagued her but she knew she had to give Veronica some sort of explanation. "It started six months after my mom died. We just got settled into our new home and I was hoping we could make a new start. But I could tell my dad was different. He was sad all the time, he talked to himself, he would tell me he saw mom in me. Then he started drinking. It was fast and heavy." She could see everything clearly even while she was explaining it. "Anyway one afternoon I came home from school and dad was in the dining room. He had music and candles and he wanted me to sit and eat dinner. I looked at him and for the first time I was scared. HE called me by my mom's name Karen. He looked at me and he didn't even see me; he saw her. He touched me the way he touched her." Erica began to tremble as if she could feel his hands on her. "Why didn't you tell someone, Erica, the police, a teacher, someone would've helped?" Veronica said as she put her hand on Erica's shoulder to try to calm her. "I guess I felt bad for him and for me. I mean we both lost her and I was a kid. I didn't want to lose my dad too. I felt like this was his way of coping. I honestly think he went mad with grief, he didn't know what he was doing. I thought that if it gave him comfort to feel like I was mom then that was my way of helping him. Oh, I know how sick it all sounds but he just stopped one day. I mean it went on for about four years and then he stopped. He started distancing himself from me but when we were together he was my dad again. He acted as if he had no recollection of any of the bad stuff he did. I only wish I could have forgotten it that quickly." Erica looked over at Veronica, her face as pale as a ghost and her eyes red with tears. "Please Veronica, you can't tell Logan. I just, he'll think I am whore, he'll look at me with disgust and I just couldn't bear it!" Her voice was weak but desperate. Veronica looked at her sternly as she started to get up. "Erica, I am sorry for your pain and it isn't my place to tell Logan, it's yours and I hope you'll tell him. He just wants to be your friend. He wants to be there for you the way you were there for him when you were kids." Erica breathed a sigh and slowly got up. "I know but I am so ashamed and I can't lose him." Veronica stiffened a little she knew she had to get this out. "Look Erica, I know you are hurting and Logan is your friend…but he is my boyfriend and if you think I am going to let you steal him away from me!" Erica looked at her in shock, for the second time during this conversation Veronica Mars had discovered her secrets. She breathed another sigh knowing that Logan could never see her the way she saw him. "Look Veronica, I have no intention on stealing Logan from you. The guy is head over heels in love with you and he could never see me that way. So even if your accusation were true, it doesn't matter how I feel if he doesn't feel the same." Veronica felt very uncomfortable all of a sudden thinking that she wasn't as sure as Erica was that Logan didn't feel something for her and decided she needed to get out of there. She turned to leave and Erica grabbed her hand and she turned around. "Veronica, you won't tell him will you?" "No, but you should, for being Logan's friend I don't think you know him as well as you think you do." Veronica said as matter of fact as she could and walked out.

Erica walked toward the mirror and took a long look at herself. She looked so tired and pale. She didn't even recognize the girl staring back at her. She felt like she was fighting a losing battle and was ready to give up. She lost her friend Carrie after she pushed her away, she lost her mom and her dad and she could lose Logan. That was the worst thought of all. Who was she kidding she loved him ever since he gave her that necklace as kids and she could never have him. Not the way she wanted. Veronica was a good person but she didn't deserve him. That doesn't change anything though; people get things they don't deserve every day. She gave herself one last look and realized she was tired of living and fighting. IF she could never be happy then she would rather not be miserable either. She knew what she had to do. She would leave this world and all the pain behind.


End file.
